Recollections of Things Not Past

“Desi?” Silvarian asks.

“Yes,” Desi says.

“‘That your real name?”

“No. Of course not,” Desi says.

“What’s your real name?” Silvi asks.

“I do not recall.”

“Wiped?”

“Yes … I mean, I think it was,” Desi says. “But I cannot recall.”

Silvarian rolls up and folds an arm under his head.

“So what’s Desi?”

“What do you mean?” Desi asks.

“It sounds short for something,” Silvi says.

“Desolate Farrago,” Desi says. “It means ‘abandoned mixed fodder.’ Originally, anyway. Now it means you are about to die.”

Desi looks at Silvi and sees that frightened them, so Desi smiles.

“Not you of course,” Desi says. “The Connie.”

“What’s a connie?” Silvarian asks.

Desi’s brow furrows. “I thought you were an assassin.”

“No,” Silvarian says. “I just go there to pick up hotties. Like you.”

Desi smiles again—wider this time.

“The Connie is the contract,” Desi explains. “Rather the subject to the contract. The one I am going to kill. Also called Mark, JFK, D. Rock Oppenheimer …”

“D. Rock Oppenheimer?”

“D-R-Op. As in, ‘I am going to drop them …’”

Silvarian laughs. “That’s silly.”

“Killing is a silly business. What is the point, really?”

“Well some people need to fuckin’ die,” Silvarian says, then flops on his back, reaches for cigarettes on the bedside table.

Desi recalls a very similar conversation with someone else. In this same bed, perhaps?

It went:

“Yes. All people,” Desi said. “Every last one of us needs to die.”

“Whoa, I didn’t say all that,” they said.

“I know. I did.”

Whoever it was looked at Desi with a look that was familiar, that was seen many times before. A look that said they were trying to figure Desi out. They would not. Desi knew that for certain.

“Do you really believe that?” they asked.

“I believe that we all die. Do we not?”

They thought about it, and Desi watched them think about it. They all think, Desi thought, too much and not enough. Not about the right things.

“Well, yeah …” they said.

“It makes no difference how or when. It is inevitable.”

“That’s creepy,” they said.

Desi knew then that it was creepy, and recalled it now again. A crossroads opens—one which leads down the same road as before, and one which may go someplace new.

“Yes,” Desi says. “Some people do. And I love being the one to do it.”

Silvarian rolls up on his arm again, smoking and staring.

Desi feels some excitement filling the body again.

“You’re kind of turning me on,” Silvarian says and starts to move his pelvis against the white linen sheets.

Desi has seen this response before and likes it, very much.

Silvarian takes another drag, the asks, “Do you want to fuck me again?”

His hair is down in the face, and his body is moving like they are already fucking.

Desi finds it very exciting to watch.

“Yes,” Desi says. “I want to do that very much.”

“Good,” Silvi says, then stubs out the cig. “Make me bleed this time.”

Play procedures

• If you haven’t done the procedures at the end of “Keep Coming Back,” have a look at them now. And remember: you have to check to see if Desi notices you every time you read a Desi chapter—even if you’ve read it before. So if you’ve already read the chapter, you can just jump to the play procedures and reread those if you don’t want to roll again.
• Assuming you make the roll for reading this chapter and Desi is not aware of you already, you can tail Silvi home very easily. The route between their houses might prove useful at some point. You can record it in your journal or write it in your inventory as ‘route between Desi’s and Silvi’s.’
• If you’ve read the original chapter that this one references in the block quote, you have several advantages against Desi. I will mention them as they become relevant.