On Doing Better Than You Are Presently So Inclined
File under: Body of work
I’m not gonna bullshit y’all; I’m tired. Neither will I roll-call the reasons why. If you know me, you likely know the whys. If you don’t, it doesn’t matter that much really.
What matters is that tiredness, that fatigue and sick-to-fucking-death-ness of writerly bullshit is the lens through which we’re peering here.
Legendary queer sff Grandmaster Samuel R. Delany tells us that it’s fine to no longer be a writer, that we weren’t always writers and one day we won’t be any longer—even if that’s because we’re dead, I suppose. Now, I think he’s giving permission there, not encouraging us to give up. He himself took a hiatus to pursue music but ultimately came back like all of us seem to.
The Buddha gives some very specific lists of activities he found to be a waste of precious time you could be spending meditating, helping others, and pursuing enlightenment. I can’t recall off-hand if writing were one of them, but surely he saw at least some value in it or we wouldn’t know what the hell he thought. But he didn’t write personally, and I kina get it.
Most writing advice is to keep writing. There are loads of tips and tricks and other tidbits ranging from well-meaning to insufferably pedantic, but they all require writing. Okay, maybe thinking about writing. Yet nearly everyone would agree, I think, that there is something to be said for the ‘taking in’ portion of the writing life, as well as a very real need for rest.
I’m told I am an exceptionally patient person (you know, irl, not in this fucking Internet circus necessarily), but I feel like a relatively impatient writer. That’s been a strength in many ways, especially in terms of output. But it's showing itself to be a crippling weakness in my identity as a writer. That feels obvious, but. Whatever.
I don’t know about you, but presently I am inclined to hide the fuck out. Just kina disappear, unsubscribe from the world, watch bullshit shows like Stranger Things (T-Rex special on that coming soon, or not), and read.
There are some things I need to do—like launch Strange Worlds—so I'll do that. And there are things I want to do, like finish the 70-80 stories I have sitting around in various states of undress. I will do that eventually, but then there will be more ideas, more half-finished stories, and so on.
One day, one moment, really, at a time. It’ll get worked out. There will be a time when this is history, when the reflection on this will differ from the living of it.
