Morning After

You find me doing yoga in da Brube—that’s the Brubaker, where I stay in the Lost City of Soma.

You’re coming from wherever you were.

I see you and smile.

When I’ve finished with the poses, I sigh and smooth back my hair, take a drink of water, and sit down.

I tell you about the dream I had last night. If you want to hear it, keep reading. If not, I will see you elsewhere on the map.

I’m in a library. This is the dream.

You ask if it’s the Library I keep going on about, the one I am stuck in, and I say, no, I don’t think so, but maybe.

Anyway, there is this guy there. He’s middle-aged, maybe a year or two older than I am. He’s balding and not particularly attractive. His genes have probably dealt him few advantages there; but more than that, he clearly makes little effort. He’s irate over something in the document he’s reviewing. He asks me to have a look, so I do.

Right away, I see this expression he’s written as a bullet point:

• To carry it forth

And I can see therein lies the solution to his problem.

But he says, no, I have it wrong.

So I listen to him some more and he walks me through page after page of this document he’s contructed and it is not really going anywhere or saying what he wants to say.

I am patient, though. I wait for him to ask me again what I think.

I take a sip of water. Not in the dream; I mean right now. I’m still thirsty from working out. I’m a little sweaty, too, in case you’re into that.

Anyway, back to the dream.

So he asks me again what I think.

I say again, I think you’ve got it right here in this line. He is more receptive this time. He nods and seems to understand what I mean now. So he thanks me, and I say sure, no problem, and move on.

See this is why I don’t think it’s the Library Eternal cos I could leave. I could and did leave.

You say that I should think about that, but I don’t want to, lose my place in the dream, so I shake my head, and say, Then I met up with these two guys—really macho asshole types. We’re friends, I guess, because I somehow manage to befriend people I don’t like. The two of them are play-fighting with each other. It is obvious to me that they are flirting, really.

Then they start talking about anal. And they’re doing it in the way many guys like this do, in an aggressive, jokey way with lots of use of the word ‘bitch’ and stuff like that.

Eventually, one of them pulls out a tube of lube, and they act like they’re going to lubricate their anus so they can receive the other guy. It’s still being presented like a joke, like an ‘ew, that would be gross’ kind of thing. But minutes later they are both stripped down and lubed up and having anal sex with each other.

I’m not watching, per se, cos I’m not really feeling it for whatever reason, like it doesn’t really seem for me, but they clearly don’t mind that I’m there.

After they’re done, I talk with them and help them understand that it’s the bottom that holds the actual power, that in top dominant toxic male society, the illusion is they are the ones in control. But it’s the bottoms who actually are. They are receptive and agree, having literally just experienced both roles themselves. I like them a bit better and think maybe there’s hope for them.

But don’t hold your breath, I add, then take another swig.

You say, But what does it matter? It’s just a dream.

I half-nod to the side, then swallow.

What was your dream?

Play procedures:

• Think about how this dream makes you feel. Are there feelings you are experiencing that might help you understand our stories? If so, try to remember them. If you are keeping a journal, you can write it down.
• Determine if you believe you are more in control when you are dominant or submissive, forceful or receptive. If you want to assign yourself scores for each, you can do so now.
• You may acquire the document, the personal lubricant, or anything else you want from this dream and write it in your inventory. This might also be a good time to take stock of your current inventory. Are you carrying too much? If so, what can you let go? What can you leave behind?