A Haze

We were in the side yard, the one next to the neighbors I didn’t know at all. Never got to know them. Ever. We were there, in the side yard, playing with guns.

You don’t remember it.

I remember.  I’m made to remember.

I can remember being alive on Mars a thousand years ago.

“No you can’t,” Mom said.

I didn’t want to be argumentative, but I did. So I said, “Yes, I can.”

“No. You. Can’t.” Each word was like a bite, each pause, a snarl.

“How come?” I asked.

“Because you’ve never lived on Mars. No one has.”

“How do you know that?” I asked.

“Science,” Mom said.

“Well science is wrong about this. I lived there. Then I died and was reborn here. With you.”

“No, you came from me.”

“Yes, when I was reborn here.”

“No,” Mom said. “Before that you were with God.”

“And where’s that?” I asked. I was being facetious.

“In heaven.”

“I see,” I said.

I was eight then. I’m forty-six now. One thousand forty-six. Or more. Probably more. We are all old as the stars. We live out here, separated from them, from one another. Until they call us home.

You can’t remember any lives before this one. You can barely remember this one. I wonder what that means, then. Did you ever really live? You did with me. I remember, so you did with me. I guess that counts for something. Hope it does.

You look at me and have lots of questions.

I just put my hand up and say, “Sorry. I didn’t mean ‘you’ like you, babe. I was thinking of someone else. I know that’s confusing. Apologies.”

Play procedures

• Imagine the concept of cyclical existence is (relatively) accurate and correct. Where else might you have lived aside from Earth? Need it be in the past? Or could it be from the future or someplace without time as we know it? If you’re playing along, write it in your journal.
• You may now use the timespace corridor to access Mars c. 6 December 1022 A.D. (The ten day difference is due to the adoption of the Gregorian calendar in 1582.) You can find me there easily and just think about who you are and how you got there, and I will understand. You’ll always be safe there, at least until I die, however that happens, whenever it goes down. I can’t remember how. As you can see, I had little encouragement or assistance to do so.